Deeks, M
by Ilovedensi1711
Summary: I do not own the show or characters. My take on the backstory of our beloved Shaggy Haired Detective and the demons he hides from his childhood.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** I do not own NCIS or any of the characters. This is my take on how we can finally get a Marty Deeks back story and address his childhood some of us have hoped to see. hope you enjoy love reviews!

Deeks, M

It's been six months. Exactly 24 weeks. 168 days. Deeks laid in bed wide awake. He started thinking back to that night.

24 weeks ago...

The four agents and two analysts sat in the bar. Deeks and Kensi's bar had become a staple hangout for the team, especially after difficult cases. One much like tonight.

"I'll never get past parents endangering their kids." Kensi shook her head in disbelief. Several cases as of late had involved a child at some point. It never got easier.

"You alright man?" Sam placed his hand on Deeks shoulder.

"Huh," Deeks who had been abnormally quiet, looked up from his thoughts. "Oh, ya I'm good. Just another case right?"

But it hadn't been just another case. A high ranking Naval commander's son had shown signs of abuse during a recent visit with his father. Commander Alex Harding had let his wife maintain custody after their divorce 3 years ago. His ex wife quickly remarried and moved the boy to Los Angeles from Washington DC. The boy was now nearing 10 years old. ALex JR, known as AJ begged his father to take him back to DC on their last visit. Commander Harding, unfortunately could not grant his son that wish, as he was to be deployed on a six month mission. He assured his son he would do his best to bring him home after he returned. He noticed several small bruises that seemed to be healing and didn't think twice, attributing it to boys being boys. Two days later, the night before Commander Harding was to depart, he received a call from his frantic ex wife, Emily, that AJ has fallen and sustained a radial fracture of his Humerus as well as a dislocated shoulder. AJ needed surgery and Alex was excused from his mission to attend to his son.

Hetty was still MIA. Admiral Killbride accompanied Commander Harding to LA by request from Secnav. Even though this was seemingly a custody case, Emily evaded to the fact that she had downloaded security files from Alex's work laptop to use as leverage should a custody case ever arise. Those statements, turned an average custody battle into a case of National Security. The files contained data that foreign intelligence would pay highly to obtain. Add that to the fact that Emily's new husband, Mathew Armstrong, had been suspected to be an extremist willing to go to great lengths to keep Alex out of their lives. He had several past DUIs that was somehow swept under the rug, it was assumed he had higher and deeper connections than you're average alcoholic.

Alex had suspected things weren't always roses on the home front with Emily, AJ and Mathew. Emily has called Alex several times with just silence on the other end. When he'd call back or ask her about it later, she would laugh it off to dialing his number out of old habits. Emily often had healing wounds as well, blaming gardening, or being clumsy. Alex had a duty to his country, so he let sleeping dogs lie, until that call about AJ.

When Alex threatened to take AJ, Emily pulled out a thumb drive with the secretly stashed intelligence. Alex's hands were tied, or so he thought. His first call was to AJ Chadwiggen. The man was partially behind the reason Alex was so adamant to call his own son AJ. The senior AJ had been Alex's grandfather's best friend. Alex was very close to his grandfather and when he died, AJ guided a young Alex into the Navy, following in his grandfather's footsteps. Chadwiggen quickly alerted SecNav, who assigned Killbride to reach out to the only team capable of handling such a delicate situation. That and the fact the occurrences where in their own back yard, made it all the more acceptable.

When Deeks saw the injury the boy sustained, his eyes turned deep blue. A deep blue, not filled with love, but filled with anger and pain. His face turned a shade of pale none of the team members had never seen before, including Kensi. She immediately knew his thoughts were turning back to that of his father. A story she knew bits and pieces of. A story he could never bring himself to fully disclose. Yes she knew he had shot his father at age 11. He shot him with a gun Ray provided. He shot him to protect his mother, more so than himself. His protective nature grew stronger from that day, but secrets so dark were buried along with truths.

Deeks immediately felt the urge to protect young AJ. The boy was skittish when Deeks and Kensi first introduced themselves. Interviewing a child was never easy, but Deeks was the only one who could relate and that made him the perfect bonding tool. The boy's hair lay shaggy as the Detectives. His eyes blue as the ocean. Deeks saw himself in this young boy. They bonded immediately over surfing and the fact that Kensi was super pretty, to quote a 10 year old boy. Young AJ frankly informed Deeks that surfing on the east coast waves were drastically different than the West coast.

"Hey buddy, can you tell me about your dad?" Deeks asked.

"He's amazing. I want to live with him, but he is protecting people and me." His eyes looked down with sadness. "You protect people too?"

"We do," Deeks smiled nodding to Kensi.

The boy gave a small grin. "Do you have a son too?"

"No," Deeks said softly.

Kensi saw the sadness in his eyes. "If we do one day, we hope he's as sweet as you," Kensi put her hand on Deeks' and smiled at the boy.

The boy grinned back ear to ear.

"Can you tell me about your step dad?" Deeks queried.

The boy looked nervously at Kensi. She took to his body language. "I'm gonna go see if I can find us some green jello, it's Deeks favorite," she whispered to Alex.

"Mine too!" He exclaimed.

"Ok, buddy. Do you like your step dad?"

"He's ok, I guess." The boy got quiet again.

"That's good."

"He smells sometimes."

"Oh yeah. What happens when he smells."

The boy's eyes filled with tears. Deeks knee the look. He knew the pain and the deepnsecrets that were hard to discuss, especially with a practice stranger.

"Can I tell you a secret between us," Deeks said watching the boy fidget.

AJ nodded.

"My dad smelled too, and when he did he would find me and be very mean to me. I had to learn it was the smell that made him do it and not anything I did at all." It took all Deeks had to spit the word from his mouth. He knew he needed to help the young version of himself fight the demons he would hold as well.

When Mathew arrived at the hospital with Emily, fear immediately overtook the boy's eyes. Deeks was all too familiar with such look. He knew the child was being abused and the injuries were most definitely not accidental.

"Step away from my son!" Mathew yelled blowing the scent of alcohol into the room.

Deeks felt his stomach turn. The scent that drove him to sneak out his window and wander shoeless around the neighborhood until wee hours of the morning. The scent that sent him walking miles to the beach to find solace. The scent that finally forced him to pull a gun and shoot John Gordon Brandel.

Emily coward behind yelling. "I did not give you permission to speak to my son."

"No, but I did," Alex retorted, knowing he had the strongest NCIS team behind him to counter any acts that would threaten National Security. "And let me assure you, if you caused harm to my son, jail time will be the last of your worries."

At this point, Callen and Sam has found and secured the thumb drive and Mathew was arrested shortly after entering the hospital and receiving the news from the senior members of NCiS. Alex took an approved leave of absence to finalize his custody win and settle his son back in DC. Emily immediately lost custody and was facing charges of her own for stealing the security information.

Deeks promised to visit DC and check out the East Coast waves. "Bring AJ to LA whenever you can. If he ever needs to talk," Deeks paused speaking to Commander Harding, "help him through it."

"You've helped my son more than you can imagine. The Admirals and SecNav were definitely right about you and you're team. You do great things. I'll be in touch, that's a promise." He shook the shaggy haired Detectives hand. "And if you ever decide to become a full fledged agent, you have my recommendations!"

Deeks forced a small smile while remembering the details of the end of the case that day while sitting next to Kensi across from Callen and Sam.

"At least it had a happy ending," Callen surmised. "We saved another kid from a dangerous Step father and saved the leak of some highly important intel."

"It just sucks little AJ had to suffer in the process," Deeks stated. "Demons he will not forget easily, but at least it ended before he had to make it end."

"He'll be ok, you'll see," Sam reassured the Detective. "You were. You are!"

"Oh so you're saying I'm good, Sam Hannah is telling me I'm a good detective and I'd make a good agent in his own way," Deeks humored.

"Don't push it, Shaggy." Sam shot him a large grin agreeing that Deeks was indeed a part of the team he was happy to have.

Kensi immediately realized her fiancé was hurting more than he was letting on. His humor was often a way of deflecting. This case had flooded the gates with memories so deeply buried beneath the rubble. Kensi quickly eyed Callen for assistance.

"So this has been fun, but you're all invading my house and it's waaay past my bedtime."

"You don't sleep, G"

"That's not true."

"Okay, Let me rephrase that, you sleep less then 2 hours a night, that's not a bedtime, that's naptime."

"Well then I guess it's way past my naptime."

"You're hopeless," Sam rolled his eyes finishing his beer.

Deeks started cleaning the empty bottles the team had left.

"I got it man, you and Kens go home," Callen assured him. "It's been a long day, I'll take care of cleaning the bar."

Deeks eyes expressed a wave of gratitude. "I'm not about to look that gift horse in the mouth. Let's get out of her, Kensalina, before he changes his mind," Deeks smirked.

The couple headed home. The ride was quiet until Kensi broke the silence.

"Wanna talk?"

"Not really."

"You know I'm here if you do," she took his hand in hers and squeezed gently. "I recall you telling me once that it helped when you talked about whatever was bothering you."

"Yes And You responded with, funny it doesn't help when you're bothering me," he smiled sweetly.

"Yes, but I'm being serious," she winked.

"No talking tonight Kens."

Kensi nodded and kept a tight hold on her fiancés' hand.

They walked in the house hand and hand. As soon as they closed the door behind them, Deeks grabbed Kensi close. He kissed her as if his life depended on it. The passion ignited both of them. They slowly undressed each other replacing the stressful day with a night filled with pure love and emotion. Kensi didn't speak other than to whisper small I love you's between kisses. She let Deeks use her as an emotional outlet, not that she minded. He had done the same for her many nights. Tonight he needed her. Body, soul and mind, he needed to feel the love she had for him and remind himself that all that mattered was Kensi Blye thought he was a good man, scars, bruises, and all the demons, she saw the man he was. For that, she was always his sunshine through the darkness.

He was tender and loving with her, Letting the emotional wave ride between them. He didn't want the night to end. She could feel his tension slowly begin to lift. She continued to kiss him while he made love to her until wee hours of the morning. Thankfully SecNAv has demanded the team take the next two days off to recoup from the stress the case put on them each in different ways.

Kensi pushed to no avail attempting to get Deeks to open up more about his past. The two days flew by and work consumed them once again.

Deeks' mind was racing as he tossed and turned 24 weeks later. Finally, deciding sleep was not going to grace him tonight, he gently kissed his wife's cheek trying not to wake her and headed downstairs. He went to the kitchen which was basically bare. The snacks ravished through, groceries had been on the list for this mornings activities as it was Saturday. He opened the fridge and grabbed a beer. He cracked it open and took a swig. The taste and smell made him nauseous. He'd never had a problem kicking a few back. It was a staple of the team after many cases. Tonight something was different. Tonight the smell and taste was not relaxing, but painful. He walked into the living room and turned on the tv. Mostly infomercials at that time of night, early morning. He was proud of his accomplishments, there was no doubt about that. He knew the team as he faced made him the person he was today, but what ifvthe demons overtook him one day. What if he couldn't control his alcohol intake one day. Would he turn into him? Deeks never shared part of his drive to open the bar was so that he could recognize when one of his patrons had overdone it. He had strict rules about cutting off people at their edge or giving them a place to solace instead of going home and using their family as punching bags or outlets for their own pain. Mama Deeks made the perfect manager as she as well could spot signs. A sign was hung at the entrance of the bar, "All Welcome for as long as You Need. Keys will be taken from anyone served more than 3 drinks and returned upon breathalyzer." Being an LAPD detective, owning a bar, definitely had its perks.

As he sat on the couch, he looked at the small frame sitting on the coffee table. He picked it up and traced his fingers over it. Small tears formed in his eyes.

17 weeks ago...

"Kens, come on baby. We were supposed to be at the office 30 minutes ago!"

"Just go, I think your food truck tacos were bad." She said hovering the toilet.

"You shouldn't have gotten up in the middle of the night and stole my leftovers again."

"Just tell the guys I'll get there when I can. Can you bring me an Alkaseltzer before you leave." She said vomiting again.

"Baby, I'll just wait for you. I'm sorry you're not feeling well." He said bringing her request and pulling her hair back.

"I'm never eating your tacos again."

He smirked knowing she would definitely eat his tacos again.

When she started feeling a little better she climbed into bed. "Can I take the day off?"

Deeks looked stunned. The tacos must have done her in because Kensi Deeks never misses a day of work. "You know what, right now it's just a paperwork day, I'll take care of it. If we get a case I'll call you."

"Thanks babe," she curled into a ball and attempted to go back to sleep.

Deeks shot the boys a text and headed to work.

"Thank you for making your appearance Shaggy," Sam teased.

"If my wife would stop sneaking down to the kitchen and eating my leftovers in the middle of the night, she may not be sick."

"I hate to break it to you, but you're married now. What's yours is hers and what's hers is hers." Sam smiled even bigger.

"Don't I know it. Except when it comes to paperwork apparently, then what's hers becomes mine."

"Hence, why I'm still a lone wolf," Callen interjected.

"Is it that, G or that your love interests include a rouge CIA agent and a falsely imprisonments Russian beauty?"

Then men laughed and bantered finishing up their weekly reports.

Deeks picked up dinner and headed home. Being the thoughtful husband he was, he decided soup was just what the doctor ordered for his love. He walked in expecting to see Kensi on the couch watching Titanic or Love Actually. To his surprise, she wasn't downstairs at all.

"Baby, I brought soup he called." When he didn't get a response, he headed upstairs. Kensi was sitting on the bed just staring down.

"Baby? What's wrong. Are you still feeling sick?"

She shook her head No.

"Baby? You're freaking me out."

She still didn't respond keeping her head down.

Deeks walked over and sat on the bed. "Kens, what's up?"

She looked up at him with her big brown eyes as wide as they could be. She handed him the object she was staring down at.

His blue eyes widened matching hers. "Really? Is this for real?"

Kensi nodded yes, still not speaking.

"Oh my God! Kensi he grabbed his as tight as he could grasping the test with the words pregnant appearing across it. "Are you good? Are you ok with this? Are you happy baby?" As happy as he was, he wasn't sure she was ready. He knew the exact night it happened. The night they saved little AJ from an abusive step father.

"Are you happy?" She whispered.

"I couldn't be happier. But are you?"

Tears of happiness began flowing from her eyes. "I am! I wasn't sure I was ready until I saw the words. Instantly I was in love. But I'm scared."

He knew those words were had for her to say. Kensi Blye now Kensi Deeks was never scared of much. And if she was, be damned if she admitted it. Their thing was a perfect example. Now a baby, another thing to be scared of since they both had unconventional upbringings, but together they could conquer anything.

"Well, field work is off the table. I'm gonna need a partner, I don't think I can survive third wheel status between Sam and Callen's bromance again."

She chuckled a bit. "I'm sure Nell would be happy to take some field time, I cannot be confined to OPS with Eric, but I'm sure I'll be able to find plenty if opened reports to consume me until I find a safer opportunity within NCIS."

"Sounds like you have a plan. And you can steal my leftovers anytime," he whispered to her belly and planted a kiss on her.

Now, he sat on his couch scared to death. His mind went to many dark places as the birth of his child neared. Demons he thought were buried beneath humor and found trust and love, were wedging theirselves higher and higher. Consuming his dreams and thoughts for days and nights.

Kensi woke to the empty bed. Her belly becoming more and more swollen as the weeks progressed. She pulled herself out of bed and placed her hands on her growing child. "Let's see what's keeping Daddy up tonight."

He heard her coming down the stairs. "I'm sorry if I woke you," he said feeling her eyes study him.

"Deeks, you can't keep this up. Our son needs his daddy. And if your not fully awake, you won't be help to anyone on the team."

"I know," he sighed. "My mind keeps racing. I don't know why."

"Wanna talk?"

"Baby, I wish I could. I don't know how. Or even where to start. The demons they just keep coming."

She placed her hand on his leg, "If you can't talk about it with me, I understand, but maybe it's time to call Nate."

"There's so many people out there with bigger problems baby, I don't want to bother him over things from my past."

"That's what he's there for. Plus he's our friend. If you won't do it for you or me, do it for him." She took her husbands hand that had been tracing the picture of the ultrasound, framed in blue letters pronouncing "it's a boy!", and placed it on her belly. The baby seemingly knowing his daddy needed a bit of encouragement kicked.

Deeks eyes lit up, "first thing in the morning, I'll call Nate."


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey Doc, long time no talk" Deeks shot Nate a text.

"Well hello there Detective Deeks. How are things? I'm guessing not all peaches since you're texting me." Nate responded.

"Ya, we should text you more. I'm sorry." Deeks felt honestly bad that they hadn't been in touch with Nate more. He was at the wedding, but sent off again. He knew Nate was busy as were they, but it really wasn't a good excuse. After all he was one of them before Deeks was.

"Listen, this job keeps us both busy. What can I help you with?"

"Will you be in town anytime soon?"

"I'm actually headed there next week. Is something wrong?"

"I think I could use some of your amazing wisdom."

"We could meet on Monday if you like."

"That would also be amazing," Deeks responded. "Thanks Nate."

"Anytime man, give Kensi my best."

He looked over at his wife still sound asleep. He set his phone back on the table and snuggled with her for a few more minutes before heading to the office. The couple had decided to stay on through Kensi's pregnancy and take a family leave together once the baby was born and take that time off to decide their next move. Kensi was of course assigned to non field work, but she was uncharacteristically content, ready to start her mission on becoming a mother.

"Are you ready?" Kensi asked her husband when Monday came.

"I guess as ready as I'll ever be."

"This is good for you baby, you need to resolve whatever issues your having before this little Guy makes his appearance."

"Speaking of, have you thought anymore about names. I'm still liking Shepherd."

"We are not naming our son after goat herders."

"Not goats, sheep," he grinned.

She shook her head at the love of her life. "Thankfully we have another four months to decide. But this will not be like the bar!" She warned.

"I can't believe we still don't have a name for it. We should probably get that done soon."

"You think? Maybe Nate can help you come up with one," she kissed him as she headed out the door to the mission. "I'll see you after your appointment."

Deeks and Nate decided to meet at the beach. It had always seemed to Mr. Gentz that it was easier for the surfer boy to open up at his place of solitude. The beach was were Deeks would gravitate towards when thinks were rough. He found happiness there when there was none to be found. He married his love there. He loved being there. He was at peace there. Nate met him in the parking lot as they shed their shoes and began walking through the sand.

"Still no bad day in the water?" Nate began.

"Never. I came here a lot as a child."

"Wanna start there?"

"I don't know where I want to start."

"Why don't you start with what prompted you to call me."

Deeks sat down in a secluded area. He ran his hands through his mop. "The little mutant ninja assassin taking over my wife's belly."

"How much longer?"

"About 15 weeks. It went so fast. I'm amazed everyday by her growing stomach."

"And Kensi? How is she doing with giving up field work?"

"Surprisingly well. I wasn't sure how it would play out, but the minute she found out, she was done. She obviously hasn't left the OSP yet, but we decided we'd figure it out once the baby was here."

"How are you with that?"

"I'm good. I've been pushing to get out for the past few years. I stayed because she stayed."

"And now?"

"I thought I was ready, but that case with AJ Harding, the night Kensi got pregnant, I don't know. I still want to help people. Being a lawyer is so unfulfilling. I thought being a public defender would give me a feeling of helping those who couldn't help themselves, but most of them don't wanna change. They don't have remorse for the crimes they committed. Don't get me wrong, there are the few times it counts, but nothing like NCIS."

"And you still haven't signed the papers to be an agent yet?"

Again the detective ran his fingers through his hair. "Why do you think that is Doc?"

"You tell me?"

He sighed. "Seems you've been taking lessons from me, answering questions with questions."

"Why haven't you signed those paper, Hetty gave them to you a long time ago."

"I don't know if I'm good enough."

"Why do you feel that way."

Deeks laughed trying to be humorous, "I mean haven't you guys teased me about it from day one."

"You know none of that was ever real. Routine hazing"

"Was it though? Even Kensi, "Deeks Really? That's the best they could do?"" He smiled slightly.

"Do you really think for one second that she has ever truly felt that way. Look at you now, you're married and having a baby with her. Kensi Blye, excuse me Kensi Deeks, would not be married to someone who wasn't good enough."

"I know, but,"

"But what?"

"I know I'm an intricate part of an elite team. I know we are like a well oiled machine and when one part is gone, we aren't as strong. It's been hard with Kensi staying at the mission and not being in the field with me."

"Nell's been helping, how's that?"

"Better this time, since she realized I could never love her back," he laughed. "She was totally falling in love with me when Kensi was recovering from Syria. Now she has Beale, I guess he's the next best thing," he joked. "Seriously though, Nell's great. She's not Kensi, but I know Kensi's still watching my back and not lying in a bed unconscious. So that's a plus."

"So let's get back to your feelings of not being good enough. When did that first start?"

"I don't know if I'm ready to go there yet."

"I think you need to. You need to be honest with yourself and face the Demons before you can get rid of them once and for all."

"If you say so," the detective huffed.

"I do."

"I guess I was probably 5. I had a project for school. I did it all by myself. I was so proud. My dad came home, drunk as usual. I only wanted to impress him. He told me it was terrible and he kicked it and ruined it. I had turn it in anyway. I didn't really have time to fix it, but my teacher could see I worked really hard on it. I came home and he proceeded to continually tell me how worthless I was and I would never amount to anything. Time after time, I guess you start to believe it. I guess the routine hazing as you call it, brought up those feelings. No one on the force wanted to work with me after Boyle, I never fit in anywhere."

"That's a lot for a little boy, and a grown person, but I'd say you fit in pretty well now."

"What if a switch flips in me? Those genes are there Nate, what if I'm not a good dad. What if,"

"I'm gonna stop you, because I've known you a long time. You've been through things most people couldn't even fathom. I've never seen that side of you."

"When I'm Max. I'm not me. I'm him."

"Listen to what you said. You're not you."

"But I could be him. So easy."

"How long has it been since you've been Max."

Deeks stopped to think, "I guess maybe four or five years. Maybe a little longer."

"Do you think it be as easy to pick up that persona now?"

"I mean, I haven't really thought about it. I haven't had to."

"Why are you now?"

"You sure ask a lot of questions Doc."

Nate laughed. "It's kinda my job."

"Touché" Deeks smiled back.

"I just want to be a good dad, Nate. I want to make Kensi proud. I want us to raise an amazing Ninja assassin only her And I can make."

"You're worried you won't?"

Deeks shrugged.

"I think every parent has that worry, but let's talk more about you not feeling good enough."

"Ha," Deeks put on his big toothy grin. "I thought I got out of that too easy."

"We are obviously not going to get to the root of everything in one session. I'm gonna be around for the next several months. But let's get through a little more, maybe you can get a few good night sleeps in, before the little man arrives. There be other reasons for lack of sleep then."

"That would be nice. I keep waking Kensi, as hard as I try not to, she always seems to know that I'm not next to her."

"Sounds like Kensi. You two have always had that..that special something. I'm glad you finally figured it out."

"Me too," he smiled again.

"Alright, so after the day at school with your project, what happened next?"

"Well," he paused, "like I said, it became almost a daily session of how worthless I was. I began to believe it. I didn't try as hard on my work, because honestly why would I if he was going to destroy it anyway. The beatings didn't start til I was about seven, almost eight. He said I needed to learn how to become a man. Take what I deserved for being a worthless brat. My mom, She never wanted to upset him, I imagine she was getting her end long before me. She couldn't stick up for me, if she tried he'd send me to my room and start on her. I heard whimpers often, why was she so weak? Kensi would never be that weak. She'd take my son and leave or shoot me herself," he smirked.

"Probably slit your jugular" Nate chimed in with a smirk and then turned serious again. "Do you blame your mom for being weak?"

"No and she's grown so much through the years. Took her long enough to be tougher. I think me standing up for her brought her out of it, but she still blames herself for not protecting me better. I told her that's when her and my relationship really started. I know it made me who I am today though. I just wish I wasn't so afraid of becoming him."

"Let me ask you something?"

"That's pretty much all you've been doing," Deeks joked.

"What do you love most about Kensi?"

"What don't I love about her?"

"I'm gonna make that your homework. I told you before, you had to figure out the one ingredient that made your partnership unique. Now I want you to tell me the one thing you love above everything else about her."

"I don't see what this has to do with my past?"

"Just humor me."

Deeks nodded.

"I'd like to see you again Wednesday. I don't want to let you too far off the hook. Do your homework and get some sleep. We don't want a repeat of before when you hadn't slept for days."

"Yes boss!"

"It was good to see you Deeks."

"You'll have to check out the bar. I have a golden frickin shark, it's pretty amazing."

"Let's get you better and then I'll come buy," he winked.

"Thanks Nate. I'll see you Wednesday."

"See you then."


	3. Chapter 3

Deeks headed over to the office after meeting with Nate. He immediately spied Kensi, beautiful as ever. He was completely in love with this woman. He though back to the day he watched her stride into the MA gym. An undercover op, a then solo detective, hard ass, deflection of any feelings through humor to hide the pain. Their eyes met, locked when he walked over, questioning her questions. Unbeknownst to him, she was immediately stuck, smitten as Callen had said. Then just like that, he was plopped into their lives permanently, finding out that a partner can be trusted and turn into more. He remembered walking into OPS, immediately feeling unwanted. Deeks was used to that feeling, so he shrugged it off. Sam was the hardest to crack, and for some reason the one whose approval Deeks desired most. Sam and him had come along way, but it took a new set of brilliant veneer to finally crack the by the book Seal. After the initial partnership with Kensi became a growing thing, he worked slowly to break Sam. Sam's referral of calling Deeks "Temp", often stung deep to his core. He'd never let it show. He thought for a bit as Kensi approached him, snapping him from his trance. He supposed that would be a future conversation with Nate. That one, however, would be more positive as he finally dented the man's tough exterior.

"Hi baby," she walked up to him as alluring as ever.

"Hey."

"The guys are finishing up the case. Pretty easy day overall." She smiled. "How was yours?"

"Can't complain. Got to sit on the beach, so that was an awesome way to spend the morning."

"That's not what I meant, but."

He kissed her gently on her cheek. "You're cute."

Callen and Sam came back in. "Oh G, look who decided to come to work today."

"After, we solved the case of course, Sam. I think drinks are on Deeks tonight."

"You do realize I own the bar. Drinks have been on me since I bought the place."

"O, that earns a Touché," Callen smirked.

Deeks enjoyed when Callen used his words. He'd never say it out loud, but he knew it was Callen's way of approval. Callen rarely showed how he felt. His way of acceptance was different than most. Deeks knew this was one sign. When Kensi was injured, Callen stopped by one night with beers. Deeks had mentioned that he was staying at home. Deeks thought back with a grin.

"Hang on," Deeks groggily called to the door, confused who would be over at such an hour. It was around 10pm. It had been one of Kensi's rough days and she kicked Deeks out again. He was on his game at work, but the senior agent could tell his team member was off. After all, it was his job as leader of that team, to know when something was up. Deeks opened the door and felt like his jaw dropped a bit. Deeks had on several occasions attempted to get Callen to hang out for a guys night with no avail. Callen enjoyed taunting Deeks and would never oblige.

"Callen? Do we have a case?"

"Nope," he held up some beers. "Thought you could use a drink."

Deeks ran his hands through his mop, "sounds about right."

"I know I'm not as affectionate as Kensi, but I thought we could watch the highlights of the Lakers game."

"I'm down for that."

The men sat on the couch drinking in silence and watching the highlights. "Hey Callen," Deeks said looking at his team leader. "Thank you."

That day meant a lot to Deeks. He had to be strong for Kensi, but felt like he was falling apart at the seems. It really was what he needed.

"Deeks, babe, Earth to Deeks," Kensi brought him back to the present.

"I don't know, you feeling up to hanging out tonight baby?"

"I could be persuaded with you making me a smoothie, while you boys drink some beers."

He looked up from her stomach, "I was asking little man," he laughed.

"Don't be an idiot," she giggled back.

"One smoothie, then we call it a night."

"Perfect," she smiled her big tooth full grin.

The crew headed to the bar, as soon as Deeks served Kensi her smoothie, she took a few sips and started dosing off as the boy's chatted.

"I'm gonna miss this, " Callen actually spoke words of feelings.

"What was that G? You are showing emotion?"

"See this is why I don't share my feelings," Callen started.

"Oh this is why? Right G," Sam retorted.

"Hey, we haven't decided what our plans are gonna be after the baby is born. That's why we are taking the 12 weeks off to decide."

"Nonetheless, I don't say it enough, this has been an amazing run."

"What about you and Anna? Gonna start you own little Russian assassination team anytime soon," Deeks questioned.

"It's been discussed. After ATF set her up on the undercover mission in prison, she's been a little hesitant about staying in. They didn't protect her enough, which landed her in the hospital. It could have been so much worse."

"Arkady could adopt you," Deeks chuckled. "Hell, I still wish he'd adopt me."

"I don't know G, it's bad enough we're gonna have a little Deeks running around, I don't think I can handle another lone wolf."

"Well, I'm not such a lone wolf anymore now am I."

The men laughed and enjoyed their evening. It had been a long time, but Deeks knew he belonged with this team. He was so thankful to Hetty for bringing him here. Each one of them fit together perfectly. Their jagged pieces became one over the years. Each rounded out a bit by the other.

The men toasted as Kensi stirred a bit.

"You should probably get her home," Callen informed.

"She's gonna be pissed she missed sentimental Callen."

"She'll live," He smirked. "Now take her home, I'll clean up before I head upstairs."

"Ok, but don't drink all my beers. Those are for paying customers."

"You got it. Night Deeks."

He woke Kensi, who insisted she was fine, but finally gave in, as she knew she was exhausted.

As Deeks drove her home, he thought about his homework from Nate. He glanced over at his sleepy wife, while at a stoplight. He loved everything about her. When he got her home, Kensi crawled into bed.

"Come keep me warm," she whined a bit.

"I'm coming," he crawled in and put his arms around her. She didn't need his protection, but he provided it to her anyway. She nuzzled into him and fell back asleep.

She was so brave and strong in everything she did. She came back from the impossible. He watched her fight demons, fight being paralyzed and in a coma, fight a crazy man attempting to cut her leg off. He knew instantly. The thing he loved above anything else, was that she was not weak. When he was Max, he preyed on weak women, ones he could control. Deeks didn't want that. He would never be able to control Kensi. Kensi was her own person, strong headed and stubborn. A woman who knew what she wanted and knew what she had to do to get it. He admired that about her. As much as he loved his mother, she was weak when she was with his father. Kensi had stood up to Deeks in many occasions when he was, in her words, being an idiot. She also compromised in many occasions. She was the one who was bravest first to suggest they go all in, she was also not going to allow Deeks to force her giving up her job before she was ready. Even if that wasn't what he meant to do, it's what she took it as.

"What if we don't have kids, Deeks?"

"What do you mean what if we don't have kids, like we can't have them or you don't want them?"

"I don't know, but there's many reasons it doesn't happen for some people. And if we don't have kids then I'm gonna wanna stay in this job."

Then of all the idiotic things he could mutter out, "I don't think we should be getting married."

And the hurt he then saw in her eyes; The pain he felt in his own chest; The words she said stung, but the ones he replied cut. And then the rocket hit. And through her braveness and strength she carried him through the 100 degree desert. His words didn't matter, she was going to stand up to him and show him he was wrong.

He knew when he woke up in that hospital bed, her still by his side, that she was so much stronger than him, that she was the one who saved him from his demons. He knew there was no one else on the planet that could do that for him. No one could save him from who he could have been, but her. No words needed to be said. The discussion on the rooftop was not needed to be rehashed or discussed again. Only the words they said to each other, promising to give each other everything they had in this life, was more than enough. They kept that promise, living ever day for each other, loving each other the only way they could.

He kept thinking, he realized why Nate wanted him to figure out the one thing he loved about Kensi most. Deeks pinpointing Kensi's strength as the thing he loved most, made him realize he could never become his father as long as he had her. Without her, he may have faltered, he may have become more like him, but Kensi, she would never allow that. Even if he found himself on the other side of that table because of her, she'd find a way To bring him back. She'd keep fighting til she did, just like when he was in jail. Even though she figured out he killed Boyle, she brought him back. She understood and supported him. He finally dozed off, sleeping the first peaceful nights in weeks, but he knew he still had a long way to go.


	4. Chapter 4

Wednesday came and Deeks prepared to meet with Nate at the boat shed. Cases had been fairly light and routine enough that Callen and Sam were able to keep it under control, with little assistance from Deeks, as he worked through his demons with Nate. DeChamps and Arlo were on standby if assistance was needed. As Nell loved field work, she also loved OpS. Many cases as of late, she was needed more there. Due to that, Turk had been working more with "My Man Deeks" as he liked to call him. Attempting to persuade the detective to become a full fleged agent and partner with him, if Kensi in fact gave up her field activity permanently. Turk had no problem joining in the gang up on Shaggy days, but at the end of the day, he was the first to openly let the detective know how amazing he was at what he did. Turk admired him in many ways, especially after Deeks made it known he was adamantly against being a so called assassin for higher. Turk respected the fact that he stood his ground, but was still their for his team, never wavering in backing them up. Kensi and Turk formed an easy bond after Mexico and as he began working with the team more, in her or Nell's place, she needed to make sure he'd have her husband's back.

When Kensi found out she was pregnant and would be out of the field, she felt good with Nell watching over Deeks. Nell has been a trusted friend for years, her maid of honor, and the named Godmother to their baby to be. She knew the woman would throw herself in front of a bullet to save Kensi from the heartache they watched Sam go through. As Nell's skills were needed more back in OPS, along with Hetty's growing need to finally retire and possibly hand Nell the ropes, Turk was implemented more and more. He was ready to be back in the mix, as he was done in Mexico, since his undercover op was compromised.

"I didn't drag him through the desert, to watch him die in LA," Kensi immediately warned Turk, eyes glaring.

Turk had more respect for that woman, than any one else in his life. He watched her drag Deeks' lifeless body through that desert. He watched the love she showed for him, placing support under his head, never leaving his side, except to provide protection for her team outside of the hospital in Los Mochis. When he met her in the hospital and easily reassured her, that she in fact saved her lover's life. Now he watched her carry their child, and place an ever protective warning to the man temporarily taking her place.

"He's my World, Turk."

"I kinda got that vibe in Mexico."

"We're letting you in our family."

"I obviously have big shoes to fill. Don't worry, I don't plan on keeping him warm at night, like you do," he winked.

"Oh, you two are gonna get along just fine. Just please keep him safe."

"I will, Kensi. You have my word. My word is all I have, and it means everything. If you don't believe me, ask Hetty."

Kensi nodded and headed back to do paperwork.

"You're wife's already got the Mama Bear look going on," Turk joked.

"You ain't seen nothing yet. Don't let me come home with even a scratch."

Deeks smiled waiting in the boat shed as he remembered that conversation.

"Hey Nate," Deeks said as Nate entered.

"You look well rested."

"Last night was good, I slept well."

"Good to hear. And your homework."

"I did. It was good Doc, you know what you're doing, after all."

"Ha," he laughed. "I guess that's why I have the degree."

"Touché"

"So, what did you come up with?"

"Well, I love so much about her. Everything actually. I don't think there is one thing that I don't. Even her starfish bed hogging and hoarding issues have grown on me. But, if I had to come up with the top thing, I realized, it would be her strength. She's so strong and amazing in everything she does. She's been strong enough to save me, I don't think anyone else would have."

"Ah, I see. Are you worried less now about turning into John Gordon Brandel."

The name still made Deeks shutter. "For now. As long as I have Kensi by my side."

"Can we talk about the night you shot him?"

Deeks thought for a minute. "I'd rather not," he paused. "Yet, I think I want to discuss it with Kensi first. I've never really talked about it to anyone. Not even Ray, not the events anyway. My mom was there, but we don't hash it out either. I just think I owe it to Kensi. Is that ok?"

"That's fine, it's actually better than fine. It's a huge step, if you actually do it."

"This weekend, I decided last night. She has the right to know all my dark secrets. She already loves me through so many, what's a few more." He laughed nervously running his hands through his mop again using his tell tale nervous tick.

"What about your mom, Deeks?"

"What about her?"

"I think we need to talk about your relationship with her."

He shrugged, "she's my mama, Mama Deeks, Roberta."

"How was your relationship with her growing up?"

"It got better after I shot him, I told her that when I was locked up by IA."

"Yes, that's another subject we should probably visit."

"You want all my skeletons, don't ya?" Deeks anxiously kidded.

"If you're truly gonna heal, we have to."

"I know."

"Which would you prefer to focus on today?"

Deeks thought, trying to decide which would be easier. "How much time we got?"

"Probably not enough," Nate tried to tease him back which Deeks acknowledged with a grin full of veneer.

"My mom was weak before I shot my father. She tried to be there for me when he was out drinking, but as soon as he was home, it changed. She was rightfully afraid to stand up to him, but parents are supposed to protect their kids at all costs. Not the other way around. I resented her for not being stronger. I know her overbearingness now stems from her trying to make up for the past. I know she feels like she let me down, that she didn't protect me. She's told me that. And She kinda didn't. I had to protect her. Which was fine. It made me realize that's what I was meant to do in life. Protect people."

"What about wanting to leave the job though?"

"I want to protect my wife and child now. And the bar, I think the way I run it, not letting people leave when they are wasted, maybe I'm protecting a mother and child out there somewhere, so they don't have to go through what I did."

"Maybe you are. So what will you and Kensi do, if you aren't doing this."

"If you can answer that, well, that would be amazing."

"Our time is up for today. I'm thinking next Wednesday before work. Hetty is going to have my head if I keep taking up half the work day with you. 7 ok?"

"Sounds great."

Deeks met up with Sam and Callen in the bullpen.

"Caught a case, Shaggy" Sam informed him. "Turks coming to partner with you."

"That bad? So much for easy weeks," he sighed.

"Hey," Kensi said coming down the stairs.

"It's bad?"

"A load of C-4 being transported was hijacked. Eric has eyes on the truck but it's heading towards Camp Pendleton. They received a threat, saying the base was a target. Nicole DeChamps is waiting for you guys to arrive."

"You gonna be ok. I could be gone a few days."

"I'm pregnant, not crippled, Deeks. Besides I'll probably be here helping on this end with phone calls, etc."

"Make sure you get some rest."

"Make sure Turk keeps you safe. I love you."

"I love you too, both of you," he kissed her quickly as Turk walked in.

"I know, I know, keep him safe at all costs! I got it," he smiled.

Kensi nodded and headed upstairs.

"You good?"

He watched his wife walk away, "I'm good. Let's get these bastards, so I can get back home."

He loved the word "home". He never felt like he truly had one, until Kensi. With Kensi, her smile, her laugh, he was home, just like Thapa had told him all those years ago.


	5. Chapter 5

"I got your back," Turk reassured a fidgety Deeks.

"I know man, I appreciate it. I just don't want Kensi under a lot of stress."

"That woman is as tough as I've seen them. You're a lucky man, Deeks."

"That I am, brother, that I am." He patted Turk's back. "She trusts you, she just hates not having my back."

"I know. The death threats kinda tipped that off."

"She does know how to slit a jugular eleven different ways."

"She reminds you of that often, does she?"

"Probably every other day."

"Ah, young love. That's why I stay single, brother," Turk joked. "My Dog is enough love for me."

The four men met up with Agent Dechamps to neutralize the threat of the impending C4 detonation. They devised a plan, with help back at OPS. They had a good chance of success if things went according to plan.

"The truck is in route to Oceanside," Eric informed over coms. "If you head to the coordinates I sent to your phones, we think they will head straight into you and then you should be able to apprehend them"

Oceanside sat at the Southern tip of Camp Pendleton. A large city, but a possible detonation site due to its proximity to the Base. Blowing explosives in a populated suburb, near the base could be most effective in a group of terrorists eyes.

DeChamps was able to secure off most of the base that would be in danger; However, Oceanside being such a populated area, still meant possible Civilian Causalities, along with first responders and Agents.

A youth soccer game was being played at the coordinates Eric deduced to be the easiest access point and likely detonation site. This was a wrench in the plans, as things needed to be executed more meticulously.

"We gotta get these kids and parents out of here!" Callen shouted.

Nell, Eric and Kensi were watching the events up in OPS, Nell found a seemingly safe place to get them evacuated to. She directed Turk and Deeks to a nearby concession building. Gathering people there would be safe for the time being, as the bomb squad hopefully secured the C4 and their agents took down the terrorists. Deeks and Turk spotted the building Nell directed them to and began gathering people to safety.

The van pulled up and parked. The remaining agents immediately surrounded the Van. The driver exited the van with a dead man switch, threatening to blow if they didn't back away. The back of the Van swung open emitting multiple rounds of ammunition. Deeks and Turk had succeed in clearing the field before fire ignited in the open area of the park. Suddenly in the corner of his eye, Deeks spotted movement shuttering on the ground.

"Cover me!" He shouted to Turk. "There's still someone on the field."

"No!, Ill go."

"I got it, you have the better vantage point of the gunfire and I'm closer to the kid." Deeks took off as he spoke realizing it was a child that was left behind.

Shots were flying around as Deeks reached the child. A boy about 6, brown curly hair and ocean blue eye filled with fear and tears.

"I got you. You're gonna be fine. I'm a police officer, I will protect you. I got you, I promise, I'm gonna get you out of here safely."

The boy nodded at the sight of Deeks' badge he pulled out. Deeks was intrigued by the boy, wondering if his son would resemble the child before him, or if the boy would have blonde hair like him and brown eyes with a mysterious birthmark, like his mother.

"Deeks, Go!" Turk yelled as he snapped him from his trance. Deeks took off as he cradled the boy shielding him from gunfire with his own body.

The last of the gunman shot towards them. Callen, Sam and DeChamps had taken out all but two of the men that came out of the back of the van. Round after round flew towards Deeks and the boy. Turk flew in front of them, struck center mass of his vest. He dropped to the ground.

"Turk," Kensi gasped from OPS, helplessly watching the chaos unfold.

More Bullets flew, when she saw Deeks dropped to the ground, the boy shuttered as the man covered him with his entire body. "You're okay," he whispered, "you're okay, I promise, I'll protect you," he muttered out as his eyes fluttered shut as darkness overcame him.

"Oh my God! Deeks!" Kensi's curdling scream shattered through OPS, as she watched her husband descend to the ground.

The sounds of fire finally stopped, as Sam and Callen finished off the last two men. The C4 was contained without detonation, by some miracle. The driver with the dead man switch was apprehended as the switch had malfunctioned. This was not they way it was supposed to happen. This was a messy case that ended with multiple casualties and injuries sustained to criminals as well as agents. The saving grace was no civilian casualties, although some with minor injuries.

DeChamps ran to Turk, who was in an abundant amount of pain. "Deeks," he squeaked out between deep breathes. Sam and Callen has already darted off to the man lying in a hump.

"Eric we need two busses." Sam demanded.

"Already in route."

Kensi face was white. "Sam?" She questioned as tears fell.

"Beale, Shut the screens off now."

"No, Sam what's going on? Don't you dare shut them off Eric. How's Deeks? Deeks baby, talk to me. Callen, Sam, please tell me what's going on? Turk, Deeks. Someone answer me."

"Kens," Callen came over. "You need to stay calm right now."

"Calm!" She exclaimed! "How can I be calm. Tell me how Deeks is. He's not moving."

"Beale!" Sam shouted.

The screens went black in OPS. Kensi glared as voices came over coms.

"We don't know yet. Turk took a bullet center mass to the vest. He's being examined and taken to the hospital. Agent DeChamps is with him."

"Callen? What about Deeks? Tell me, is he," she bursted in tears before she could expel the last word dead, from her lips. Her whole body went numb.

"As soon as I know anything, I will tell you." He disconnected coms and informed the team to do the same.

"Nell, I want a flight to San Diego now!"

"Kens, we should probably wait to hear back from Callen."

"Now!" She walked out of the room in tears holding her belly tight as she could. "Daddy's gonna be fine. He has to be."

DeChamps stayed by Turk, as Sam and Callen stayed by Deeks side. The bullet struck Deeks in a small exposed part of his back near the shoulder blade. Blood was seeping out.

"G, get me something to put pressure on this, quick." He bent down to the ground near the Shaggy haired man. "Deeks, man c'mon," Sam checked for a pulse which he found sporadically as the ambulance pulled up.

In the rush to check if Deeks was alive, he didn't notice the small boy. "Hey little man, are you ok?"

The boy nodded not moving.

"Are you alright staying put a minute until the man over there can move my friend." He pointed to the EMTs rushing over. "We don't want to hurt him more."

The boy nodded again. "He's protecting me. He's a police officer. He's my superhero."

Sam grinned. Deeks would love knowing someone called him a superhero.

All the paramedics in tow, attended to both agents and the child.

"You have a possible Chest contusion." One told Turk. "You'll need x-rays and examination to see how extensive. A few days of rest will probably on your list. We'll head you to Balboa for a full exam."

"Well, if the bullet didn't kill me, a hormonal brunette might. How's my partner?"

"I'm not sure, the other crew is working on him. I'm sorry."

Turk watched as he was being loaded into the ambulance, the commotion surrounding Deeks. They carefully moved him off of the child. The paramedic checked the young boy for any injuries. He was unscathed thanks to the heroic efforts of the Detective. His parents emerged from the destination they were shuffled to, running towards their son with relief.

"Will the man who saved my son be okay?" The boy's father asked Callen, who was standing back.

"I hope so," he sighed. "He has a son of his own on the way."

"We can never repay him for risking his life for ours," the mother said, coddling her child.

"We will be praying."

"I will be too," Callen whispered. "I will be too."

Callen headed over by Sam as they watched Deeks being worked on and loaded up on the stretcher.

"He's got a lot to live for," Sam's head dropped.

'No exit wound, he's gonna need surgery. Kensi's not doing well, Sam."

"I know. You should call her. At least tell her he's alive. She's probably frantic."

Callen's phone buzzed with those words. He looked down to see a text from Nell. He looked back at Sam showing him the message, "She's on her way."

"We should have know that. I'll ride with Deeks, you get Kensi."

"Oh you get Deeks when he's unconscious and can't talk. And you leave me with the hormones of Badass Blye. That somehow seems unfair. Don't you have more experience with crazy pregnant woman."

Sam gave him an annoyed smirk and shook his head. "Probably not the time for jokes, G."

"I don't know big guy, it's probably exactly what Deeks would do."

Sam smirked slightly, knowing Callen was probably correct.

"If you're coming, we gotta roll," the paramedic called. "He needs to be in surgery like 20 minutes ago."

Sam hustled over and climbed into the bus beside Deeks. "I know I'm not Kensi, but I'm here for you Shaggy. You got this. You have to. Kensi and son need you. We all need you," He sighed grabbing Deeks' hand and squeezing tight, similarly as he had done for Callen in Mexico. "None Of is are ready for you to leave us yet, and I'll tell you that to your face when," he emphasized, "you wake up. Sam eyes teared slightly. He couldn't let this man die on his watch. He knew the pain Kensi would feel, he knew that pain would never leave. He was gonna make sure that she didn't feel that pain, no matter what he needed to do. He'd will Deeks all night to live, if need be. He reiterated, a"Your wife and child are waiting for you, so you fight Deeks, you hear me, you fight."

His pulse seem to steady with the words Sam spoke as the ambulance lit it lights speeding them to Balboa Naval Hospital. A trip back too soon for Sam's liking, but no other choice was available.

When they arrived, the surgical team was waiting and rushed Deeks away. Sam headed over to Talk to Nicole.

"How you holding up?" She asked first.

"It never gets easier. Kensi doesn't realize she needs to stay calm for her child."

"They love each other a lot." DeChamps had seen the agents interact and longed for that kind of relationship, that didn't come easy in their line of work.

"I had a love like that once," Sam recollected.

"Do you think you could have that again?" She questioned.

"I don't know. It was a once in a life time kind of love."

Nicole looked down a bit disappointed.

"But who the Hell knows. I gave up trying to figure life out along time ago. I just take it as it comes."

She felt a little hope, but knew Now was not the time to express any type of feelings she may be exhibiting for Sam Hanna.

Kensi exited the plane, nearly tripping over her own feet to get off faster.

"Kens, slow down before you hurt yourself or the baby."

"I need to get to him, Callen."

"At what cost, Kens? He's in surgery. There's nothing you can do for him right now."

"I can be there for him!" She shouted. "I couldn't be there to protect him," she sobbed, "but I can be there for him when he wakes up. If he wakes up."

"Kensi, he's in the best care. He will be in surgery at least another 2 hours. You have to take care of yourself."

"I have to take care of him."

Callen was getting frustrated. Kensi wouldn't Listen to reason. He finally snapped. "At the risk of losing your son! Do you think that will make Deeks happy? Do you think it will make him wake up faster?"

Kensi froze. Callen had never yelled at her before. Possibly out of fear, maybe out of respect, but he had to get through to her somehow.

"I'm sorry, Kens."

She took a deep breathe. "No, you you're right." She stuttered attempting to dry her tears. "But if you ever yell at me like that again, I'll kick your ass, pregnant or not."

"Ya, I was kinda thinking that mid yell. Go big or go home right," he shrugged.

"Please, get me to the hospital." Her eyes pleaded.

"I will," he hugged her in his brotherly arms as tight as he could. "He's gonna pull through. He has too much waiting for him not to." Callen tried to reassure her, as they headed off the tarmac to the car.


	6. Chapter 6

Kensi paced in the hall of the hospital. She hated being back there. Thoughts of Mexico haunted her. How she almost lost him. How she fought through every ache, pain, thirst, hunger, to drag him desperately through the desert. Her begging of God, to please let him wake up, His dream of her being pregnant, now a reality. How happy it made him to share that dream with her. Almost being hand delivered to General Vazquez's compound, Deeks briefly waking to save them, making it to the hospital in Los Mochis, seeing Turk, his reassurance that she saved him. The memories flooded through her brain like rain water rushing through the sewer drains. His promise to give her everything he had in this life; Her promise in return. Now the life growing inside of her. The combination of them, she felt him move everyday now. Her heart raced waiting for answers.

"They said probably another hour or so. The bullet was lodged deeper than they anticipated. We just have to wait." Callen gently stroked her arm.

"He stayed in for me. You know that right? He knew this would happen."

"Why don't we go get you something to eat," Sam suggested.

"You know we fought before going to Mexico. We pretty much broke up. I told him what if we didn't have kids" She continued, eyes full of liquid sadness, she placed her hand on her growing child. "What was I thinking."

Sam and Callen didn't know the logistics, but they definitely knew there was a rift between the partners on the flight and in Mexico.

Callen began, "you were thinking about saving Mosley's son. It was an emotional time."

"Kensi," Sam looked Seriously at her. "When was the last time you ate or drank anything."

She wouldn't listen, she kept on. "He said the longer we stayed in, the more likely, this would end really poorly for us. He was right."

"I'm sure he can't wait to hear you say he was right," Sam softly smiled. "But I want to get you something to eat."

"Why am I so stubborn? I told him I wouldn't do this is we had kids. Yet her I am, six months pregnant and still in."

"And So is he, he could have gotten out," Callen reminded her, as Sam still wanted her to nourish herself and her child.

"He would never leave without me."

"But you're not in the field. You're not the whole reason he's still in. This job is part of him as much as it is a part of you," Sam pushed to make her see. "Now, I'm gonna go get you something and you're gonna eat it."

"He's right Kens," Nate appeared around the corner.

"Nate, what are you doing here? I thought you were in LA. It's great to see you I mean."

"I know Kens. It's good to see you too. I had a few things to handle down here before coming back to LA midweek. Hetty asked me to stop by. Can we talk?"

"Nate, not right now please."

"It's important."

"Go Kens, we will keep you posted. I promise," Callen reassured.

"And I'll have food and water here, when you're done."

"Green Jello," Kensi forced a smile as the baby kicked enjoying the sound of that. "It's Deeks' favorite. I stole his when he got shot before," she shrugged and followed Nate to the chapel.

"How are you doing? Considering?"

"Truthfully, awful."

"I had Deeks sign a paper consenting to disclose any of our talks of pertinent. Of course he signed that I could discuss anything with Hetty and he was adamant about telling you if need be."

"Oh, well I, I don't think he'd want you to tell me everything you guys have been discussing. He's touched on a few things with me, but those are his private conversations. I don't want to know anything he wouldn't want me to."

"Trust me, If I didn't think it was important, I wouldn't disclose, but I think you need to know this."

"Alright?" She said questioning.

"I overheard you telling Sam he stayed in for you. You can't beat yourself up for this."

"But, He did, Nate. He's wanted to get out for over a year now. If not more."

"We talked about that. I asked him why he hadn't gotten out. You know, now that you're on desk duty, having his baby."

Kensi sighed.

"Kensi, he'd do anything you want him to. I'm certain of that. But he stayed, not only for you, but he believed he was meant to protect people. He's been doing it since he was 11 years old. Think about that. None of this is your fault or because you forced him to do anything."

"I just feel like if it wasn't for me he'd be home or at the bar or I don't know coming up with some new scheme of the month."

"I think he'd eventually be back to protecting people. Somehow, someway, When he wakes up, talk to him."

"If he wakes up," she put he head down and then felt a sharp twinge in her stomach. She winced in pain, grabbing Nate's arm.

"Kensi are you alright?"

"I don't know." She lost the coloring in her face. "Something's not right."

"Let's get you checked out." Nate ran to look in the hall for a nurse. He saw Callen and summoned him to get someone for Kensi.

Two nurses came running with a wheel chair. "What's you're name sweetie," the first nurse asked.

"K..ken..Kensi Deeks." She spat out through the twinges of pain. "My baby, is he ok?" She worried.

"How far along are you."

"Almost 26 weeks."

"Ok, let's get you checked out."

"Do you want me to come, Kens?" Callen asked.

"No. Not yet. Check on Deeks first."

Callen obliged, heading for info as she requested.

The nurses rolled Kensi to a room and took her vitals. They hooked her up to a monitor to make sure she wasn't having any real contractions. They took some blood and started an IV.

"When was the time you ate or drank, Mrs. Deeks?"

"I, I don't even know. Maybe yesterday morning."

"Honey, you know you need to take better care of yourself. It's not just you."

"I know, I'm sorry," Kensi let tears flow freely. "It's been a rough two days."

"The Doctor will be in shortly."

Callen headed to get some information on Deeks.

"He's still in surgery, we will send the doctor out as soon as we have any more information. I'm sorry, Mr Callen. But it's great to see you fully recovered."

"Thank you," he smiled remembering the charge nurse from his recovery road. He knew he was not the easiest of patients, anxious to return to full duty.

He headed down to Kensi's room. Sam has already arrived with her green jello. The men stood near, protective of their little sister. Kensi looked up and met Callen's eyes.

"No news yet, Kens."

The doctor came in. "Mrs Deeks, I'm Doctor Donna DeJoan. Are one of you the father?" He looked curiously at both men guarding Kensi as if she was a Queen.

"No, the father's in surgery right now," Sam informed.

"I see, I'm sorry." She said. "I'm going to have the ultrasound tech come in and check to make sure everything with your baby is going according to plan. I believe you're a little dehydrated which caused the pains you were having. You need to take care of yourself, even more so under stressful times," she said kindly full of understanding, but trying to stress the importance of her words.

Sam looked at Kensi, "I've been telling her, Doc"

Kensi smirked.

"It seems you have a lot of people looking out for you and this little one. The IV will help replenish you and I'll be in later to check on you after the ultrasound. I'd like you to stay here overnight."

"She wasn't going anywhere anyway," Callen assured.

"Can I see my husband when he's out of surgery?"

"Of course. The IV is portable and we can get you a wheel chair and take you down."

"Thank you." She breathed a sigh of relief.

"We can go," the boy's echoed as the tech wheeled in a machine to check the baby.

"You could stay if you want," her eyes bright with fear.

"You got it," Sam walked over and held her hand.

"A little baby Deeks preview," Callen smiled. "Let's see what surfer boy did."

Kensi shook her head with a small laugh, "Thank you. Both. For everything."

The baby kicked again. Kensi winced again.

"You ok, Kens?"

"Ya he just likes kicking my insides. He must me excited to hear his uncles' voices."

"A little future soccer player," Callen smiled then it quickly faded.

"Ya," Kensi gulped with thoughts of seeing her husband drop on the soccer field while carrying the little boy who was playing the game.

"He's gonna pull through," Sam reassured. "You'll see"

"I hope so."

Kensi was familiar with the cold tinge on her belly as the tech squirted the blue gel. She felt the baby squirm almost as if he was escaping the cold.

The men watched in awe as they got their first glimpse of their team members' creation. His heartbeat strong, everything as it should be.

"He's a little fighter too, like both his parents." Sam smiled.

"Thank you for sharing this with us Kens," Callen began wondering about his own future.

"Thank you for being here, for all of us," she replied.

The tech printed out pictures for Kensi. "Your little man looks good. Take care of yourself and him, Mrs. Deeks."

"I will," she replied as the alarm went off throughout the hospital.

"Code Blue, Code Blue."

Kensi's eyes met with her brothers' in fear.

"I'm going," Callen ran out as Sam held onto Kensi's hand squeezing tighter.


	7. Chapter 7

CAllen ran back to the charge nurse he remembered in a panic. He couldn't watch another friend lose the love of their life. Watching Sam bury his wife was hard enough. An unforgettable time of sadness. He couldn't stand it if he had to watch Kensi do the same, while waiting for their child to be born.

The nurse saw him and headed him off, "It wasn't him, he's coming out of surgery now. You'll be able to see him in about an hour."

Callen breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Is it possible his wife can be by his side when he wakes up?"

"I'm sure we can arrange something. He needs to be monitored for a bit, then he'll be moved to a cubicle room like you were in before. I'll send the doctor to Mrs. Deeks room to talk to you all."

"Thank you. Thank you, Very much."

Knowing Kensi was probably a deranged lunatic by now, he sprinted back to her room. Her tears still flowing like streams down her face.

"He's ok, Kens. He's out of surgery. It wasn't him."

Her heart flipped and flopped. "I'm so scared, Callen. I don't know what I would have done."

"You would have had us, but he's alright. The doctor will be down here shortly to go over everything."

"Geez, you think I'd have visitors like this after I saved your life in Mexico. Last time we ended up here. Remember that Callen, how I saved your life."

"Shut up, Turk" Callen grinned. "Glad you survived a hit to the vest."

"Doctors say I'll live, unless this pretty mama to be decides to kill me for letting her down."

"You didn't let me down. You flew in front of a bullet for him, for us, without even thinking twice," Kensi had seen back in OPS.

"Oh, you saw that huh, trying to keep my promise. I didn't do such a hot job."

"One thing I know about my husband, is that he's a very stubborn man. He doesn't listen or better said he doesn't usually shut up long enough to listen."

"I tried to make him let me go after the boy."

"That wasn't going to happen. It was never an option for him."

"Have you heard anything?" Turk questioned with concern.

"The Doctor should be coming soon, he's out of surgery," Callen stated. Right on cue, a tall grey haired man appeared in surgical clothing.

"I'm Doctor Hamlin. Mrs Deeks, I presume."

Kensi confirmed with her head.

"It was a long surgery. Touch and go at times, but your husband has a will to live, now I can see why." He began. "Part of the fragments landed into surrounding muscle and soft tissue. The bullet seemed to hit the edge of his left scapula. We removed the fragments and repaired the damage. He should be coming out of recovery in about an hour. I'll have one of the nurses wheel you down to see him as soon as I can. He'll need some physical therapy when you return home, but all in all the prognosis is good."

"I told you," Sam put his hand on Kensi's shoulder. "No way he was leaving you alone to raise this baby."

Kensi smiled as tears of relief fell. She wasn't sure how she could still have tears left, but they came as quick as the others. "Thank you Doctor."

A little while later, after a few more helpings of green jello, the nurse came in with a wheel chair.

"Mrs. Deeks, I'm here to take you to your husband."

"Is he awake?"

"Not yet, but I'm guessing he will want you to be the first thing he sees when he does."

Kensi got into the chair as the nurse positioned her IV bag.

"We'll check on you guys in a bit," Sam told her.

"The Doctor will probably release you tomorrow, but I'm assuming you'll be staying a few extra days along with your husband. Like last time." The nurse said rolling her along.

"If they let me," she smiled.

"You don't look like much of a lady that would give them a choice."

"You're probably very right," Kensi winked.

"If you need anything, just push his call button. Everyone knows you're here."

"Thank you."

Kensi sat by his side holding his hand. "I love you so much baby." She whispered.

"Is this some sort of wicked deja vou?" Deeks asked as he groggily woke up. "I don't recall being in Mexico again. I could have another traumatic brain injury that I don't know about."

"Still the funny guy, huh? I'm gonna punch you in your new bullet hole."

"Always so abusive with me Kensilina," he said wiping his eyes attempting to focus. "Although, you know I kinda like it when you are."

"Don't be an idiot. You could have died."

"I told you, I have an aversion to death."

"Not funny," tears began falling again.

"Hey, I'm ok, I'm good," he said waking more.

"This is my fault."

"I'm thinking it's Turks. That guy Can't keep a promise at all, what's that about?"

"I saw the whole thing remember mister. I saw Turk jump in front of one bullet for you, after he offered to go get the boy."

"Is he alright?"

"Hit center mass of the vest. A small chest contusion. He's alive."

"And you didn't kill him, so that's a good sign. How's the boy?"

"Unscathed. He may have even told Sam you were a superhero." Her eyes still teary.

"Just doing my job in my Superman underwear."

"I should have listened when you wanted to get out. It's not gonna end well if we don't."

"Kens? What are you saying?"

"I'm ready. I can't do this anymore."

Deeks shuffled a bit and pushed through the pain to sit up, while running his uninjured arm up to run his hands through his hair. "You May have to give me a few sponge baths for a while," he said as he winced.

"This is not the time to be funny, Deeks."

"No I guess not. I need you to Look at me. This is who we are. This is who I'm meant to be. I'm meant to protect people. You wanted me to talk to Nate, I did. What I realized, is everything I've been through, with and without you, has always been about protecting people. My mom, Tiffany, you, being your partner and having your back."

"What are you saying?" She looked at him.

"I'm saying, I saved that little boy today. All I could think about was what if that was our son, scared, alone, in the middle of gunfire. I had to save. It's more than just our jobs. It's part of me."

"Someone else could have, Turk could have." Kensi fighting the oppositions he gave her a year and a half ago.

"Ya Kens, you're right, maybe someone else could have, but this is what we do. This is how we roll. How we make the world a better place for our son. I know I put myself on the line and you would have probably found a way to bring me back from the dead, just to kill me again if I died, but I had to. All I could think about was you and our little boy. I would have let you both down if something would have happened to that child."

"I know I've told you before, but you're a good man Martin Deeks."

"Because I have a good woman by my side, Kensi Marie Deeks."

"So, you want to stay in?"

"For now, until I can find something else that protects people in a way I'm satisfied with. Then, we will figure it out; we always do. This team we are apart of, it's more than a team, baby. It's our family. We have an amazing unit. How do you think we've survived this long? Most teams are disbanded or people move on, we've been going on eleven years. That's amazing."

"It is pretty amazing, but, It's just the complete opposite of what I thought you wanted. What you said you wanted. Now I'm the one that doesn't want to wonder if your gonna come home at night."

"I'll always come home to you princess. Truth be told, Seeing Nate, has made me dissect things, like I never had before. I have a lot more to deal with. I want to talk about it with you. My past, the things I did, right or wrong and why. Not today, But soon."

Kensi knew what he was going through. She was now feeling what he had gone through over and over with her injuries and dangerous missions. The tides had turned, but she respected her husband. "Just don't die on me."

"Remember, I'm a man of my word."

"Except when I beg," she referenced her recovery. Deeks promised not to show her the engagement ring he bought her again until she could walk, but failed to keep that promise when she begged him again before he put it away.

"I'll do better," he winked, then realized she was in a wheel chair with IV lines coming out of her hand into a bag of fluid. "Kensi are you ok? The baby?"

"Oh, um, ya I'm good. We're good."

"Then why are you in a wheel chair with an IV attached to you?"

"I may or may not have let myself get a tad bit dehydrated. I'm good now. The baby is healthy and he loves green jello like his daddy." Trying to change the subject, "The guys got to see him on the ultrasound."

"That's my boy! Green jello rocks, please don't eat all mine. They really got a glimpse of our little ninja assassin?"

"Ya, Callen May have been a little freaked out, but didn't let it show."

"Honestly Baby, you have to take care of yourself. Promise me."

"I know. But he's good, we're good."

"Promise me."

"I promise."

"Ok, cause you're better at keeping promises then me," he winked. "I love you."

"I love you too. You're an amazing man Martin Deeks, don't you ever leave me."

"Never Princess. Never."

"I should probably call your mom. I haven't responded to her calls in two days. You know she checks up on me and the baby several times a day."

"No, baby, she'll wanna fly down here and I don't want to deal with that right now."

"Deeks, She's Probably got an APB on me already."

"Later, when I'm asleep."

Kensi rolled her eyes as the three other men appeared at the door.

"Hey partner, your wife hasn't killed me yet."

"She hasn't killed me yet either, we might be safe."

"You're both idiots."

"Better be careful Turk, Deeks is rubbing off on you." Sam commented.

"The Deeksness is irresistible, what can I say."

"Oh Lord."

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm obviously still the smartest. I'm the only one who hasn't been shot."

"You were shot. I had to examine your wound." Deeks proclaimed.

"I was shot in the vest. You examined my bruise, it doesn't count."

"Hey So was I," Turk pointed out.

"Yes, but you haven't been with us but a few months. You still have time." Kensi informed.

"You're all too much," Sam threw in.

"I don't know big guy, she's right. Although I haven't been shot in some time, you were the last one to take a bullet before Deeks."

"I also helped save your life in Mexico, G," Sam reminded.

"I love this. This team. We've been through a lot guys, and my beautiful wife. Bullets, weddings, funerals, soon to be births, building a bar, Hetty, you guys are truly are family. Thank you for watching over Kensi." Deeks was content even through pain.

"Alright, too much love for me for one day. We better let this knucklehead get some rest. We're heading back to LA tomorrow. We'll see you when you get home. And Kensi, take care of yourself and that baby." Sam instructed.

"He means the one in your belly," Callen added.

"O, Touché!" Deeks showed his pearly veneer.


	8. Chapter 8

A few weeks had past. Kensi and Deeks were back home and Deeks was in physical therapy, as well as still meeting with Nate. His nightmares had faded and he was feeling stronger. Kensi was 31 weeks pregnant now. Her belly swelling bigger by the day as their son grew.

"How's it been going, Deeks?" Nate asked at their next meeting.

"Pretty good. I still haven't gotten to talk to Kensi yet. With my recovery and trying to get ready for the baby, the timing hasn't felt right."

"Are you still planning on it?"

"I need to, it's an important part of who I am. She's just been so on edge lately. I was thinking about taking her up the coast this weekend so we could talk. Since I haven't been working, I've had a lot of time to think about what I wanted to say."

"Well, that's a good plan. Fill me in, next week, same time same place."

"Considering I've got no place else to be for another week, I'll see you then."

"It's good to see you happy, Deeks."

"It's good to be happy."

"Deeks, I don't feel like going anywhere. I'm tired and fat," Kensi pouted.

"You're not fat, Sugar Bear. You're growing my ninja assassin. Right little Marty."

"We're not calling him little Marty."

"C'mon Kens, you don't want a mini me running around. You don't ever call me Marty anyway."

"Cause you're Deeks to me Dork."

"Well, you're a Deeks too and so is he."

"One if you is enough, he'll be more like me."

"That would be perfectly fine with me," he kissed her cheek. "But we're going. It's probably going to be the last time we can get away alone for a while. I need you to go with me."

"Fine, but I'm not promising to be happy or any fun."

"I wouldn't expect any less."

"Hey," She slugged him.

"Owe, ok I deserved that, but can you hit the good shoulder."

"No, then it would hurt less"

"Touché."

That Friday evening, they headed up the coast to a little bed and breakfast on the beach.

"What do you think, Kensalina?"

"It's beautiful."

"Good, we can relax on the beach, you can soak up some sun, I can surf a little. We can stay in bed til anytime you want to get up."

"Bed sounds good," she said nibbling his ear.

"Are you seducing me Agent Deeks?"

"It's a possibility."

"This isn't gonna be one of those times you get me in bed and then fall asleep is it? Cause sleep is the last thing on my mind right now."

"I guess you'll have to meet me in the bedroom and find out."

"Oh girl," he chased after her.

An hour later, Deeks had dinner delivered to their room. He lit candles at the table and set it up to eat before calling to Kensi.

"Princess, dinner is ready."

Kensi emerged from room freshly showered and ready to eat. "Good, I'm staving."

"Loco moco, for my baby and my baby she's carrying."

"Sounds amazing."

"You can even eat my leftovers tonight."

Kensi shuttered. She actually hadn't touched Deeks leftovers since she found out she was pregnant. "I might pass," she laughed.

"You know that was morning sickness right? Not my left overs?"

"Yes, but I still associate it with violent vomiting. Besides I can't blame this one." She put her hands on her belly."

"You wanna talk about names?"

Kensi put her head down nervously. "I was thinking Owen Donald," she said softly. "but if you really want Marty JR, I'm good with that."

"Baby, I'm pretty sure the world can only handle one Marty Deeks."

She grinned ear to ear and chuckled her cackling laugh. "I think you're right about that."

"What? Kensi Deeks said I was right? Wow."

She cackled again.

"I think Owen Donald is amazing. Both great men, that I would be proud to have our son named after."

Kensi sighed happily. "Ok we have a little Owen. I wish he was here."

"Me too baby, he'd be so proud of you. Granger Danger loved you like a daughter. I wish I would have had a chance to meet your dad too. I know he was a rockstar."

"He was."

"He has to have been to raise a rockstar like you." He winked.

"I love you Martin Deeks."

"I love you too, Kensi Deeks."

They finished eating and Deeks cleaned up the plates, putting the leftovers In The fridge.

"So what now what does my amazing husband have planned."

"Wanna take a night walk on the beach?" He asked.

"I think that would be nice."

"Perfect."

They walked along the beach, smelly the sand and salty ocean water, looking at the star lit sky.

"Are you getting tired, baby?"

"I'm ok, but can we sit for a while?"

They took a break and sat in the sand. The pair loved the feel of the sand at their feet, the ocean waves roaring. It was their peace.

"Kens, I want to talk to you about my past."

"Are you ready?" She questioned him to make sure. Although her shared hits and pieces, he'd never went into great detail.

"As ready as I'll ever be I guess. There's so much darkness. I want to finally push it all aside so my sunshine can shine through completely."

Kensi blushed a little knowing she was his sunshine.

"Where do I start?"

"Pretend I'm Nate," Kensi suggested.

"Ok, no that's just creepy. After this afternoon and The next time we're no, ya just no."

Kensi laughed at his ramblings. Her perfect idiot she thought. "Ok, I'm me and you know, you can always tell me anything. I would never think any less of you. Everything we've been through, I know who you are Martin Deeks, an amazingly good man."

"I know baby. It's just not something I like to talk about."

"I know. Go slow." She put her hand on his.

"My earliest memories of my dad were him beating up on my mom. That smell, when he was wasted. I hated him. I don't ever want our son to hate me."

"Deeks," she started but let him continue.

"I will love you and him with everything I have. I can promise you that."

"I don't doubt that for a second."

"When I was five, it was mostly words to me. Hateful words. Making me feel worthless. The beatings came when I was older. As I grew, it was more on me. I took the beatings to protect Mama, I guess kinda like she had done when I was younger." He looked up at Kensi. "I never thought of it that way. I felt like she wasn't strong, but maybe she was just in a different way. Anyway, One night I heard him hitting her. Her cries. I couldn't take it. I snuck out. No socks, no shoes, eleven years old wandering the streets. I went to the only place I felt safe."

"The beach?"

"The beach. Ray was there as usual. I loved seeing him. He was like a big brother. We had so much in common, even though was a little bit older. We met when I was seven and made an unbreakable bond. We talked about our dads, we surfed, just hung out. He got mixed up with the wrong crowds and That's why I turned him to a CI. I knew he was a good guy underneath. Anyway, that night he was there sitting in our spot we'd always meet at."

He flashed back while giving Kensi prominent details.

"Hey Marty," Ray said As they young boy took a seat beside his friend.

"Hey."

"Your dad at it again?"

"Yep."

"Wanna see something that can help?"

"What's that?"

Ray reached into his bag. "I've been waiting to give it to you for a few months now. You're a good kid, but you need to protect yourself." He pulled out a small Smith and Wesson handing it the the blonde, blue eyed boy.

Young Marty looked at it oddly.

"Have you ever seen a gun before?"

Deeks shrugged. "I've seen my dads shotguns."

"This is a lot easier to hide." He unloaded the gun and showed him all the features. He showed him how to load it. He meticulously showed the young boy everything he needed to know. "Only use it if you need to protect yourself. I want you to stay a good kid. Don't get wrapped up like I did. You take care Marty." With That Ray left, leaving the boy with his new protection."

His eyes teared a little telling Kensi.

"You don't have to keep going."

"I do, baby" he continued. "A few nights later, he was drunk again. Mama finally was ready to stand up to him. She stood in front of me screaming at him. We were in my room. He was yelling about why I was still awake. I had the gun under my pillow. He was not stopping. My mom told him to get out or we were leaving. He grabbed one of his shot guns. He came back in my room." Deeks shuddered a bit. Kensi moved close to him putting her arms around him tightly. "He shoved it in my moms face, then pointed it at me. He told her he'd kill us both before he'd let us leave. I pulled the gun out Ray gave me and pointed it at him. He told me I didn't have the guts to shoot him, so I pulled the trigger as hard as I could. I shot him. He was stunned. He fell back. My mom was crying holding me. She called 911. He laughed as they took him away, saying how worthless I was that I missed. He smiled evilly at me and told me he'd be back to finish this. They took me to juvie for the night. There were a lot of kids that belonged there and then there were the few like me. Lost, broken bad homes, I got assigned a really good attorney. He made me think, I could do that too. Help people that can't afford or can't help themselves. That was the day I decided to be a lawyer, which we know how that went." He smiled. "The whole ordeal, I don't regret it though. I had to protect her." His tears fell now.

"I love the man you are. The man that has the deep desire to protect people."

"Sometimes, I hate that you can take care of your self." He let out a small, quiet laugh. As much as that's one of the things I love about you. Sometimes I worry you don't need me."

"Trust me, I need you baby, I've always needed you. More than you'll ever know. And you kept me safe, having my back. You protected me by doing that. Whether you realize it or not, you saved me from myself. Being lonely and miserable. Holding on to my past. Afraid of being left, always wanting to run. You're my hero Martin Deeks. Even if you don't think so, you are. My Superman," she winked.

"My Wonder Woman ," he chuckled. "You're amazing, you know that."

"Eh, I have an amazing partner, who helps me be amazing."

"Well, we got through part one of Deeks' past. Can we leave Boyle for another night?"

"Whatever you want babe, I'm not going anywhere."

"I just want you to know some of the things that made me who I am. All these things created the man I was when you met me, but the good man you say I am today is because of you more. Who you've always seen me to be. You make it easy to be a good man. My heart is so full."

"As is mine." She cradled his face kissing him deeply under the stars in the peace of the ocean breeze.


	9. Chapter 9

Kensi and Deeks retreated back to there room.

"Thank you for making me come here," Kensi kissed her husband gently on the cheek.

"ThAnk you for coming." He put his hand on her belly, caressing it gently. "I can't believe he'll be here in two months."

Kensi sighed happily. "I'm ready to meet him." She smiled tiredly. "Penny for your thoughts," she said looking at her husband who's eyes seemed to drift away.

"Do you think I'll be a good dad?"

"If I can be a good mom, you'll certainly be a good dad. I'm sure of it."

Deeks smiled wearily. "I've made a lot of bad decisions. Then again, I've also made a lot of good ones." He kissed her lightly. "Our thing being the best one."

Kensi smiled. "Our thing was definitely a good decision. We all make good and bad decisions, baby, we aren't going to be perfect parents, but as long as we have each other's backs and do our best, that's all anyone can ask for."

"Plus we do have a pretty bad ass team behind our backs." Deeks matter of factly stated.

"Nell and Eric as Godparents along with Uncle Callen and Uncle Sam, I think he's gonna be alright," she winked.

"How soon can we start working on a little sister for him?" He started nibbling her neck.

"Well, in case you forgot how we made him, it's. It gonna happen right now."

"But we can practice, right?"

Kensi rolled her eyes with a smile, "if you're lucky," she trailed off into the bedroom.

"Oh girl!" He exclaimed following after her.

The couple returned home and continued their routine, while preparing for baby Owen's arrival. It was early evening and the whole gang was over helping paint the nursery.

"This looks amazing," Kensi began to get a little sappy.

"Kens, what's wrong?" Callen asked not seeing Kensi tear often.

Deeks shook his head and waved his arms behind her as to tell Callen to stop before real waterworks flew from her hormones.

"G," Sam caught on. "Hormones, pregnant woman, you'll never learn. And now that you and Anna are back on track, you better learn."

Callen rolled his eyes as Kensi continued.

"I'm just so, so happy,," she sobbed. "I'm sorry," she continued.

"It's ok Kens," Sam consoled her being very much aware of how pregnancy affects a woman.

"I for one can't wait for my Godson to arrive," Nell beamed trying to make Kensi smile a bit.

Deeks watched his friends prepare his son's nursery. He couldn't remember a time when he had felt so loved.

"You ok there, Shaggy?" Sam questioned noticing Deeks peering off.

"Ya, I'm good," he thought for a few minutes. "Hey guys, can we talk."

"Oh no, I feel a long winded Deeks speech coming on." Callen joked.

"No, no, this is more," he let out a deep puff of air, "More a confession," he said after glancing at Kensi.

"Ok," Callen said wearily.

"How bout we head downstairs for some beers. Well not Kensi of course," he smirked.

"I do miss having a cold one with you guys," she lamented, "but well worth it."

The team nodded following downstairs and each got comfortable in a seat. Deeks leaned against the wall. "I'm pretty sure since you're all skilled agents, you've figured it out like Kensi did."

"Hey man, you don't have to do this," Sam rose and stood next to Deeks and put his hand on His back.

"Thanks Sam Dog, but I do." He took a deep breath and puffed it out. "I killed Boyle. And those words just came out of my mouth."

"We know," Sam assured.

"I figured. But I want you guys to know the story behind it."

"We've all done things, Deeks," Callen assured. "I'm sure your reasons were justified. You're a good man, and you've showed us that."

"Thank you, Callen. That means a lot coming from you."

"I did kill him for a good reason, even though I'm not sure it makes it right. He was gonna kill Tiffany. She came to me the night Quinn set her up. Boyle beat the shit out of her. She was crying uncontrollably. Bloody beaten. Her nose, her eyes," Deeks shuttered. "I saw my mom in those eyes. That night I shot my father. The same look. She was scared beyond belief. Scared for her life." Deeks' sighed.

"Deeks," Kensi stood and walked over to stand beside him. "Remember why you said you did the things you did."

"All's I've wanted to do is protect people." He looked at his team, so supportive and understanding. "How did I get so lucky," he whispered before he continued. "Anyway, Tiffany was just crying in my arms. I felt like I needed to protect her, just like I did my mom. I told her she was better than this life. I helped her by getting her a new identity and getting her to be a CI when I needed her to. I gave her money to help her stay on her feet, to stay out of that life." He continued on "There was just such a resemblance to my mom. I realize that sounds creepy, but I just mean, I never slept with Tiffany or anything like that," he said assuring Kensi" but, she was struggling to have a better life and the cards were against her. She was a good person caught in a shitty situation. I finally got her to calm down and tell me where she last saw Boyle. He was passed out in the hotel room. Tiffany's blood was splattered around. There were bruises forming on his knuckles. I kicked him awake."

He flashed back to that night.

"Deeks what the hell man. Where's the girl?"

"What girl?" Deeks played dumb.

"That slut! What's her name, I don't know the blonde little whore, ya that's good enough! Great little piece of ass. You should try her sometime. See if you're man enough."

Deeks hauled off and punched Boyle in the jaw. Boyle stumbled back and grabbed his gun.

"I should shoot you right now, you self righteous son of a bitch. Nobody wants to be your partner. No one even wants you on the force. Why do you think they sent you to UC?"

"I transferred to get away from you. You are the reason we need IA, you dirty bastard!"

"Watch your mouth kid," he waived his gun at Deeks.

Deeks reacted and grabbed the gun pointing it back at Boyle. The gun went off. Deeks back away dropping the gun. He never actually touched the gun only Boyle's hands as the trigger squeezed in the fight.

Deeks ran, he ran far and as fast as he could. The case was deemed a cold case as Deeks made sure he dropped Tiffany off a local cafe before he headed to the hotel. Her alibi was validated and the case closed as cold until IA began investigating Deeks.

Deeks snapped out of his flashback. "I confessed to Whiting, I promised her if she helped us save Kens, I'd tell her everything. I may have done some horrible things, but I'm a man of my word. And now, she uses it against me, I guess to still help people, but," he lets out another breath.

Kensi rubbed her husband's back gently. "You're a good man, Martin Deeks. We all see it. We all know it. It's time for you to realize it"

He fought back the tears, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys sooner. I jneed to get rid of all my demons before this little guy comes. I'm gonna get some air." His confession seemed to overcome him.

"Baby," Kensi began to follow.

"Let me," Sam said holding her back.

Deeks was on their back porch staring out. "You came for more torturous words of Deeks?" He asked half smiling.

Sam patted his back. "Kensi's right ya know."

"Isn't she always?"

Sam chuckled. "You're a good man, Martin Deeks."

"Wait am I dying? Sam Hanna used my full name and not some random nickname. Also, the fact that both you and Callen called me a good man in the same night."

"I may rag on you, but that's only cause I love you man. You, me, G, and Kens. Even those meerkats. We're family. Nothing can tear us apart."

"I must have died already cause Sam Hanna is now getting sappy on me."

"Ya man, I have it in me sometimes. I will always be grateful for you giving me four more years with Michelle. You could have outed her and she would have been taken from me then. You went through hell for my family, I'd do the same for yours."

"But we failed her four years later."

"No, you didn't. We all didn't have clear heads. I miss her man, but I'll tell you I cherished every moment I had with her. I had more time because of you. No matter the wrong things you've done, you've done so many right."

"Ha," Deeks let out a small laugh. "That means a lot coming from you Sam. You always seem to get it done on the straight an arrow."

Sam looked down. "Not always brother."

"Come on, name a time."

"One person, the reason my wife is dead. Jada."

"Sam, you were doing a job."

"But I got too emotional, too attached. A mistake I'll regret the rest of my life. The point is, it doesn't change the man I know I am deep inside. We do good work. But we all make mistakes. We make sacrifices. We make decisions. Sometimes right, sometimes wrong but we figure it out."

"I just want to be a good dad. Give my son what I didn't have."

"You will. You and Kensi are a good team. In everything you do. Trust in that. She won't let you fall, just like you won't let her."

"I don't what I did to deserve this life."

"You're you, Deeks, Shaggy hair and all, you're you." He patted his friends back. "Come back inside when you're ready. We'll all be there for you."

Sam headed back in to see Kensi's worried eyes. "He'll be alright."

Kensi nodded an appreciative thank you.

"So Kensi, Nell broke the silence. Baby shower in two weeks, are you ready for the invasion of the cupcake girls."

Kensi eyes lit up. "Kat, Mindy, Mandy, Tiffany and Tiffany. So ready! A last little bit of fun before Owen makes his appearance," she grinned.

"What are you boys gonna do that day? Besides Deeks, he'll be here surrounded by the ladies." Nell wondered.

"As long as Talia keeps her paws to herself, all will be well," Kensi glared.

"We might just hang at my place," Callen said. "I do have a fully stocked bar at my fingertips."

"If you want those fingertips cut off, Mister. That's my son's future," Kensi cackled.

"Speaking of future, have you guys thought anymore yet about work after the baby comes?" Callen anxiously wanted his team together, but understood the risks.

"Not really. I guess we will just figure it out when the time comes," she shrugged.

Deeks wandered back in. "What did I miss?" He smirked.

"Oh not much, except the amazing day you're gonna have surrounded by women at The baby shower." Sam said.

"And the threat Kensi has already put on Talia," Callen added.

"You sure I have to be there baby, I could hang with the guys at the bar?"

"Deeks!" Kensi shouted.

"I know, I know," he rolled his eyes. "It's just, Talia, the Tiffany's. A pregnant hormonal you, not a good combo."

"No Deeks! You'll be there with me, with the biggest smile on your face."

"You're right," he sighed kissing her and placing his hand on her belly. "Anything for this little one. Even if it is spent fending off Talia's inappropriateness. Callen, make sure u guys clean up this time. Mama, was on fire." Knowing all well, the remaining men would be hanging there during the event.

Callen let out a bellow, "don't wanna upset mama Deeks again!"

"Let's keep in on the dl this time, if she knows while she's at the shower, we'll never have fun. Either of us."

"You got it!"

The team finished touching up and then cleaning up the nearly complete nursery.

"Thank you guys, again, for everything. Kensi and I couldn't ask for a better, more supportive team. You've been beside us, behind us, for so much."

"Can this be the last winded Deeks speech for awhile now?" Callen teased.

"Probably not," Deeks widened his smile. "In all honesty though, you've been the best family someone could have ever had dropped in their lap."

"It wouldn't have been the same without you," Callen patted his shoulder.

"Remember Shaggy, you're never alone," Sam added.

"Never alone, Deeks," Kensi put her arms around her husband, "Never."


	10. Chapter 10

Deeks finally felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. His son would be born in less than a week and he couldn't be more elated. Kensi on the other hand was swollen and miserable and was anxious to deliver their son, sooner rather than later.

"Good morning, beautiful."

"I'm not sure who you think is beautiful. All I see is a swollen beach whale."

"Baby c'mon. Four more days."

"That's so long! Do you know how it feels to carry a baby for nine months."

"Can't say that I do, I mean I would if I could. That would make us so rich," his eyes lit up.

"Don't be an idiot. I'm in pain, I can't breathe, I can't see my feet, I can barely walk."

"How bout I get you some twinkies and rocky road ice cream?"

"How bout you get this little man to come out today."

"Well, there are a bunch of home remedies I read about starting labor," his eyebrows raised.

"Deeks!" She slugged him. "I'm not in the mood for that!"

"You did ask me to help start labor, I was just being thoughtful."

"You're going to be lucky if you ever get that again at this rate."

"Baby, it'll all be worth it in the end. Then we can start working on a little sister for Owen."

"You're hopeless."

"That's right darlin, hopelessly in love with you!"

That brought a small grin to Kensi's face.

"Deeks?" Kensi questioned.

"Yes Princess,"

"How come you never listed your mom as your next of kin?" She wondered from all those years ago. Filling her paperwork out for the doctors and hospitals had brought back this question. She assumed when he got shot the first time that maybe his parents had passed or something. Over the years, she learned bits and pieces of his story as they began to grow closer and trust each other more. She knew what happened with his father and even met mama Deeks She never brought up why, but it always triggered her curiosity.

Deeks shrugged. "When I was undercover, I didn't want to take any chances listing her. You know how she is Kens, I'm mean she's better now, but back then. I guess I was protecting her." He lifted his shoulders to shrug again.

Kensi nodded. "I always felt so bad not knowing. When they asked me and I couldn't answer, I knew I needed to know you better. What you had been through."

"Because you were stuck," he laughed "or was it smitten."

"Both, I guess," she admitted. Suddenly she felt a tightening pain in her abdomen. "Deeks," she said softly.

"Yes Kensi, what else can I tell you that you don't already know?"

"No Deeks," she said panting harder. "I. I." She paused to breathe again.

"Baby, you're freaking me out."

"Baby..." Kensi whispered through pants.

"Kens?"

"Baby!" She stammered looking down at her belly. "I think it's time."

"Oh Kens! Ok! Ok let's grab our go bags, what else?" He panicked running down the stairs as Kensi watched him run around like a lunatic.

"Um Deeks, you're forgetting me!"

"Oh baby!" He ran back upstairs and helped her. He shot a quick text to the soon to be grandmas and then He shot a quick text off to Nell asking her to let everyone else know Kensi was in labor.

Two hours later, a healthy beautiful 9lb 5oz, 21inch, Owen Donald Blye Deeks entered the world. Deeks was elated. His whole life he couldn't imagine a more magical moment. The gang was waiting patiently in the family waiting room as he exited to announce his sons arrival.

"Congrats brother," Sam patted his back proudly. "You're going to make an amazing dad."

"And you'll be there to tell me if I'm doing it wrong, Right?"

"You better believe it."

"What about me?" Callen piped in. "I always enjoy telling Deeks when he's wrong."

"As true as that is, brother," Deeks said, "I think Samdog has a leg up on you in this department."

"I got a leg up on him in most departments, Shaggy!"

The three men joked as everyone offered Deeks congratulations.

"When can I see my Godson?" Nell inquired.

"As soon as the doctors clear Kensi and him. "She can't wait to introduce him to his family. Our family."

Deeks headed back to check on Kensi and Owen to see if they were ready for visitors yet.

Of course being the team they were, strings were pulled so that the whole crew could come at once. Kensi was smiling proudly holding her newborn son.

"He's amazing Kens," Callen came close to his makeshift sister. "I proud of you, both," he grinned.

"Well done, Mr and Mrs Deeks," a small elderly voice rang through.

"Hetty," Kensi's smile couldn't get any bigger. "I see our future Ninja assassin is good and healthy."

"He is," Deeks proudly announced.

"Fatherhood suits you well, Mr. Deeks." Hetty confirmed what the entire room could see.

"Let's let mama get some rest," Sam encouraged knowing what toll birthing a baby does to a woman, even one as strong as Kensi.

"I'm gonna walk them out," he kissed the top of Kensi's brown locks. "You did good,baby, so good."

"We did good," she whispered back as he smiled largely leaving the room.

Deeks walked out behind his team. "Hetty," he called.

"Yes Mr,. Deeks.?"

Deeks pulled Hetty aside scratching the back of his locks. "Thank you!" He grabbed the tiny woman.

"For what?"

"All this. You brought me here. You never gave up on me and you gave me Kensi. I am in your debt," he winked.

"You've paid your debts to me Mr. Deeks, tenfold. You and Mrs. Deeks."

"I can never thank you enough. My life, what it's become. If you hadn't come to me in that bar, I would have never had this Hetty." He smiled with pride.

"Go, take care of your family, you're still cheeky!" She winked.

He said goodbye to everyone letting them know he'd call them when they were settled at home. He watched them walk away and knew he'd be ok. He headed back to Kensi and Owen. He slowly opened the hospital room door. He could hear Kensi talking to Owen.

"And he is never quiet, but he will love you with everything he has. He's an amazing husband and he's going to be An amazing daddy, even if he's afraid he won't be. You're a very lucky little boy, Owen and I'm a very lucky mama." She gently laid a kiss on her little boy's forehead.

Her words brought small tears of joy to Deeks' eyes. He walked in as whispered, "hey." Eye glistening, threatening to spill the floods filling his eyes.

"Hi baby," she looked up at him. "Deeks? Are you ok?"

"Never better, princess, never better," he crackled out.


	11. Chapter 11

Eighteen months later...

Owen was now a year and a half and his baby sister Olivia was now 3 months old. When Owen was six months old, Kensi was exhausted. She thought it was just returning to work and having a very active baby, who just learned to scoot himself about, exploring everything. He seemed to have no fear, just like his mother. When she began waking up nauseated, she knew the signs. Although, they weren't necessarily planning to get pregnant so soon, they weren't not trying either. Kensi knew their ages were against them, so she truly felt blessed to create another child with Deeks. The team, however, happy to have her return to the field, just lonhave her sidelined again so soon. They were overjoyed for the couple, but missed her and having her sidelined again was depressing, so, They adjusted as they always did. Deeks was over the moon when they found out they were having a girl. They settled on the name Olivia, standing for the Olive tree and meaning Peace. The couple finally found peace in their crazy lives. Kensi's maternity leave was ending at the end of the week.

"Babe," she started.

"Yes Princess senior,"

"You're so weird."

"But, you love me."

"That I do, still haven't figured out why, yet," she winked.

He walked over and handed her a hidden Twinkie. "Because I feed you these." Her eyes lit up. She had tried to eat semi healthy during her pregnancies and while breast feeding. Being the kids were so close in age, it had seemed like years since she had a good helping of junk food.

"Are you ready to get back in the field next week?" He smiled.

Her eyes looked into his as she stuffed the whole Twinkie in her mouth. She finished chewing, "about that," she looked down.

"Baby? What's wrong?"

"Deeks, I've been gone so long, I I don't think I wanna go back."

"What!" He looked confused.

"I'm just not sure Deeks. Somethings changed in me. I still want to work. Maybe still for NCIS, but I don't want to be shot at everyday. I want to watch Owen and Olivia grow."

He scratched the back of his still Shaggy blonde mop. He picked up his son who was a miniature replica of him. "You sound like me know Kens."

Her husband hadn't brought up leaving their job in years now. He had put all his demons behind him. He was a good dad, a good cop, a good partner, he no longer had nightmares, he no longer fought his feelings. He loved whole and he finally let himself be happy.

"What are you thinking?" She asked.

"I mean," he began as the door bell rang.

"Who would be here this late?" Kensi questioned.

Deeks shrugged walking to the door. He peered through the blinds. "It's Hetty." He stated looking back at his wife.

"How does she know already. I haven't even made up my mind completely."

"Good evening, Mr Deeks, May I come in?"

"Of course," he moved out of the way so she could enter.

"How are you, my dear? Looking forward to returning?"

Kensi sighed. "I'm not sure, Hetty."

"Well, I have some news. As you know, I'm not getting any younger here. I'm handing over my reins as operations manager effective Monday."

"Hetty," Kensi looked down. "Now, I really think I don't want to return."

"Well, I have a proposition for you. You and Mr. Deeks."

"Ok," Deeks looked worried.

"You know I probably work until I die," Hetty began, "but Washington's buckle down and watchful eyes and new young blood, I decided to take a new opportunity."

"And that leaves us exactly where," Deeks was impatiently wondering.

"If you'd quit interrupting, I'm getting there." She glared at Deeks with a smile. "As I was saying, I've been given an opportunity. Director Vance has convinced SecNav to open FLETC here in LA. As much scrutiny as our team has been under, they realize we have many good qualities. Bring close to Camp Pendleton helps as well, giving any one wanting to become an agent on this coast the chance to do so closer to home here on the West Coast. I will be heading up the start up of this facility. I would like you, Mrs. Deeks, to be the head of sniper training. Training new agents to have your ability, will be a huge asset to national security. You also will still have the ability to do field work when needed, if you feel up to it."

Kensi's eyes lit up. "Hetty that's amazing! I would be honored."

"What, what about me?" Deeks nerves were shot. "I mean I'm still just a cop, not an agent."

"Exactly why you're perfect to be the head uncover training. I haven't seen many agents with as much skill as you, Mr. Deeks. Mr. Hannah and Mr. Callen will continue field work, but will also be assisting in the weekends until they are ready to commit full time as well. Your team has skills that every knew agent can use. We can't all do this forever, but we can pass our skills to attempt to create a team as strong as we've had for as long as we did. But alas, all good things must come to an end. Perhaps, together we can make them last a little longer with a similar version. Miss Jones will be taking over as operations manager, and Mr. Beale will remain in OPS, but he has also agreed to teach some tech classes."

Deeks repeated his motions as he did a little over two years ago, the day Owen was born. He hugged her tightly. "I think we have to be in your debt this time."

"Just train me some amazing future agents." She winked having a double meaning, glancing towards Owen Donald and Olivia Henrietta Blye Deeks.


End file.
